Ray Patterson Mediation

It's a question of attitude, isn't it? If a couple comes to mediation with the attitude that it's either 'my way or the highway', they are not going to succeed in reaching their alleged goals. So why would anyone sabotage the process that seeks to get them toward their goals?

Partly, it's fear. Call it fear of flying, because in mediation each participant takes responsibility for their own actions, offers, and acceptances. If it turns out you choose the wrong action, or accept a proposal that doesn't work out, you really have no one to blame but yourself.

I've met a number of people who just couldn't handle mediation, because they were terrified of taking responsibility for making decisions in the divorce process. Some actively sought to end the session and return to court, because it felt safer to hide in the decisions of a judge. If something didn't turn out the way they wanted it to, they could toss the blame onto the court and leave themsel…

There is a well known Zen saying that goes, The only way out is through. It is particularly apt applied to people whose marriage or relationship has eroded over time. Partners of all different sorts have wondered, "Is it time to leave?" And it is usually the knowledge of how much they have put into the relationship (although filtered by each person's particular viewpoint) that holds them back from taking the plunge.

So they soldier on, going through uncertainties and fears because they can't bring themselves to accept that all that past history cannot make up for the way they feel together today. They fear the unknown future and would rather live in the known present, however horrible.

If you're in such an eroded relationship and you're experiencing pain and anxiety, it may be time to answer the question posed above, "Yes, I want a divorce," especially if you've tried every conceivable means of trying to save it. That's the only way you get…

At some point in the divorce you’re going to have to come to terms with your finances, and it usually isn’t very pleasant to actually look at where your money goes every month. Some people are shocked by the amount they spend on groceries. Others find it difficult to believe that electricity costs so much. Both of you may be dumbstruck by the amount you spend on cable.
No matter. You’ve got to get a firm grip on your income and expenses so you not only know what your need to survive each month, but you can show where the number came from.
It’s helpful to use Family Court’s General Financial Disclosure Form (FDF) to guide you on the kinds of information you need to either know or estimate reasonably. You can print out the form by clicking here.
You need to understand some basic terms to start. Gross year-to-date pay is everything you’ve earned so far before any amount has been removed, say for taxes. You can easily determine your Gross Monthly Income or GMI using the aids given on the…